Play play play!

I am really pushing myself to write this post. Every night I think of writing a post, but I just feel lazy when I get to the laptop and I just read news/emails and some blog posts if I happen to blog hop (I have not yet started using google reader). There is so much I miss out by not posting - first of, the wonderful feeling of reading a few comments from blog pals and feeling that connection. And that feeling of reliving some nice moments. There are things I wish I had written about so I can go back to it now and remember what KB did when he was two or three years old. I told myself that I will just at the least write about how our weekend was since it was the kind that I most enjoy - unplanned, spontaneous, really low-key, relaxed and totally fun.

KB has started attending Bal Vihar classes on Sunday mornings. I should write a separate post on that topic since I had many arguments with B about sending KB to Bal Vihar classes. The class meets from 11.30 a.m. to 1.00 p.m. B did not like the idea of a block of time taken up like that every Sunday. Anyway - since he is attending those classes now, that leaves only Saturday entirely free for us to do whatever we want to. Since my FIL is in India now, I don't even need to be home for cooking meals on time. We just pack the kids lunch and go where ever we want and come back around 3.00 pm for their nap. I always feel this pressure on Saturday mornings though to make sure that our precious Saturday doesn't get wasted in mundane chores like waiting at the bank or me going grocery shopping. Some Saturdays we manage to make the most of it, some Saturdays, it does go in things like those - which is fine, but a little dull in my opinion.

So last Saturday (Nov.7), I woke up and was reading the newspaper and having my morning tea. Back of my mind, I was also thinking about where to take the kids. All fun on Saturdays is only kid-centric. A new children's museum has opened up in our city and I thought may be we could take them there. A friend of mine was planning to take her kids on a train ride in the local regional park, so I was wondering if we should join them there. Suddenly, I thought of our local zoo where I purchased a family membership. It only takes an hour or so to cover the entire zoo which includes a petting zoo. And they have a wonderful play area which is shaded and is very lively since kids who come to the zoo are always stopping there before heading back home. I had taken the kids to this zoo a few times on my own (with friends, but without B) but I thought it might be fun for the kids to go with Dad. So finally I had a plan for the day.

We left home at 11.00 a.m. and went to the zoo. I was surprised to see so many cars parked there just an hour after it opened. But thankfully it didn't feel too crowded inside. We went inside and looked around at the various animals and birds. Highlight each time of course are the Gibbon swinging monkeys. They make these wacky sounds loudly and are swinging across tree branches like Tarzan - the kids just love it. The Guanaco, from the Llama family is of course another favorite for them. We have been to this zoo so often that now KB especially talks about these animals with such familiarity. "Hey, look at that gliding turtle" he says with much familiarity when we finally spot it in a swamp. We then took the train ride around the zoo and then the kids did their customary carousel ride - KB chose the big eagle and KG the tiger (calling it Sher Khan since they are such big fans of Jungle Book). Then of course came the drudgery that KB had to endure if he were to be allowed to play in the play area. Lunch! He tried bargaining with me, but I put my foot down and said, he had to eat lunch before going to the play area. So he managed to finish 3/4th of his lunch and then begged me with his usual "Porumaa?" (can I stop now?). They then played for more than an hour in the play area. KB decided to name that play area and called it "Channing park". There was a little boy, may be four or five years old, who adamantly blocked the way when KG was trying to go through the steps leading to the slide. She first looked puzzled and then looked up at the boy and said "MOVE"! It is kind of cute to see a little girl not even realize that the boy was trying to intimidate her. She just stood there waiting for him to move. He stood his ground though and refused to move no matter how many times she told him to. Finally I had to go tell the boy "Move, please?" in a rather stern voice. Only then he moved. God save our gentle kids in school as they grow up.

Finally, we got back home around 2.30 p.m. The kids went to nap. B and I had our lunch, followed by tea. Within half an hour KB woke up. In the meanwhile, my friend said she would be coming with her two sons to the big park near our place. KB was thrilled when I told him I would take him there if he wanted to join them. So after just an hour and half or so at home, we were again out at the park. KB wore the tiger mask I had bought for him at the zoo and startled his friend when he met him at the park. KB decided that they were going to be "people rescuers" (from Diego) that rescue people from the giant. The bright red, tall and curvy slide he said was the beanstalk. KB said he found the key and unlocked the magic harp and defeated the giant when he went up the slide (walking the wrong way up!). They played on and on going on the castle like structure and defeated several more giants with their super hero tactics. With the day light savings time now, it gets dark very early. By 5.15 or so, it was pretty dark. But there were some kids in the park and as always we don't leave until most people have left! Now the kids decided on some sand play. All the monkeys climbed on top of the sand tunnels and made sand mountains and what not. The weather was cool and there was some lighting in the park. It just felt good to see the kids just play on and on without any worries.

After an eternity at the park, we finally got home around 7.00 p.m. I quickly made their dinner and they ate around 8.00 p.m. B had to go buy milk since we were running out. I had to entertain both kids, so we decided to play hide and seek. KG of course kept giving away our hiding place by running with me and saying "Mamma" and looking at me when we were ducking behind the bed. I had bought a tub of vinyl Dinosaurs for KB at the zoo. He is so into Dinosaurs now that we pretend to be different Dinosaurs at different times. We played the Dinosaur tickle attack game where I would hide outside the room and then after a moment of silence suddenly spring into the room screaming "The Barosaurus is coming" and with my hand pretend to have a long neck and come and tickle the hyper excited screaming kids to the end of the bed. And for KG's sake we played the Dino counting game where the three of us just screamed ONE, TWO, THREE together while counting the tub of Dinosaurs. There was so much laughter in that room when B walked in, I told him that he had to come right away into the room and to join us.

It was a day full of childish pleasures from simple games and things. Just filled my heart with joy. I did not have time to think about much else and we just lived in the moment and I felt like I was also four years old when playing with my kids! KB told his dad this morning, "Dad, you know, some bad people killed the Tamarin monkeys and now there are only 400 Tamarin monkeys left (in the wild, which he did not say)". KB went to school this morning and told his teacher, "I went to the zoo. You know what my favorite animal is? The swinging monkey. It sat on a branch and ate leaves. You know, if you upset the Guanaco, it will spit on you". His teacher, who is amazingly sweet and wonderful with kids said, "eww...hair gel for me?".
Later, she was asking the kids to say some word in the letter their names begin with and KB said "Herrerasaurus" since his name begins with a "H". It was as if the weekend of animals, park, dinosaurs, sand play etc was still in his head and he was barely getting out of the weekend mode!

I met an Indian woman at the park on a day when KB did not have school. She asked me how old he was and I told her he had turned four in August. She immediately said to me, "Oh, he is four. Why don't you put him in the Abacus class (for Math)? My daughter has been going there, it is really good". She meant well, I did not take offense to her. I do get nervous when I talk to such parents that I have not enrolled KB in any kind of academic class and he only goes to half a day school, that too not a Montessori school. But when I think of days like last Saturday, I feel like my heart is full - that feeling of just giving him the time to just be, to enjoy life's simple pleasures in a way that only a child can...he was learning in his own way that day too. It was not academic in a rigorous way but he was enjoying it fully. We have read so many books that he learned phonics on his own and is able to read simple books just from that even if he didn't attend any phonics classes. He does simple mental math while playing "Bear's birthday party" with made up stories of how many bears would be in the room if four more bears joined the party etc etc doing mental addition in the process. I feel at ease "teaching" him this way rather than in a more rigorous way through classes. B sometimes feel we are being "too" relaxed and we should remember that he will be competing against the hard core Indian and Chinese kids who are always pushed to be one or two grades higher than their age level. I tell myself that I will also try to be more of an academic mom but when the clock shows 3.45 p.m. and I know there is only an hour of day light left, I still find myself rushing to get the kids ready to go to the park rather than stay home and do some activity books. And when we get back, it is time to cook dinner, feed them etc, so it leaves us only half an hour or so to do "work" before his bed time. If he brings his "Frog and toad" book and wants dad to read to him, we just say OK rather than force him to sit and write his numbers. I just hope "going with the flow" is also an accepted method of parenting that will work out OK in the end.

For now, I am glad I wrote about a day filled with play and more play that I can read about when KB is slogging away at his homework, studying for his SAT's after a quick shower and dinner when he gets back from his soccer game, finishing the science project report and practicing the piano for his upcoming concert and emailing the volunteer coordinator while checking the score for the NFL game! :) Enjoy it now, you little giant defeater, for the pressures of adulthood wait for you as you go up that beanstalk!

Single word story!

I was feeding KG her lunch a couple of days back when KB was quietly doing something in the family room. I thought he was packing a gift for someone - a new fad he has going now. A few minutes later, he brought his doodle pro to me and asked me to pronounce the word he had written. I said "PCOFT" and pronounced it as "Pick koft". He said to me, "Mamma, that is a story I wrote". I said, "how is that a story?". He proceeded to enlighten me.

"Mamma, this is the story about a little boy named Pick". One day, he started coughing a lot. (He added in Tamil, "Gollu Gollu'nu cough pannithu, mamma". Then his mom took him to the doctor. He had bronchitis. So his mom went to "Reftan" (his own imaginary pharmacy) pharmacy and gave them a prescription for "Prednisone". Mamma, Reftan pharmacy has both squiggly balloon and medicines. The little boy took Prednisone - he took two teaspoons a day and then he was better. That is the story Mamma!

Wow - all that in one word "PCOFT
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Today he wrote another word "TFGCH" on his doodle pro.

He said to me "This is the story of a little boy named Tiff. He is four years old. He has a little sister named "Gich". She is two years old. And they are still friends".

That's it. That's the story behind "TFGCH". :)
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Since the time I wrote this post in my drafts section, he has written down many such random words and come up with little stories around these random letter words. Some very detailed, some very short ones. I guess it is the age of twittering, so why not one word stories! :)

When the baby bird learns to fly!

I just read this post by Mniamma. I especially enjoyed reading this line about her 8 month old daughter.

She also crossed over the main door threshold to wave ‘bye’ to M and N and I promptly made payasam to celebrate the occasion.

When KB was a few months old, may be three months old, I don't remember what milestone it was - but when I told my MIL about it, she asked me if I made some sweet to celebrate it. Somehow that was the first time I became aware of that tradition or rather paid attention to it. I am sure I had heard of it before but somehow I had not thought about it. I just love that tradition of making a sweet to celebrate little milestones like a baby's rolling over or crawling or taking the first step.

By that count, I feel almost like making some sweet myself and celebrating what to me is a huge milestone - if not for KB, for me as his mother! KB has been a rather stubborn, strong willed, sensitive child. The tamil phrase "Amma Kondu" is made for him. As the director of the first preschool he went to said to me, he clearly knows what he wants, he is not afraid or shy, he is mad at you for leaving him and going home, he is very articulate, he knows his mind and cannot be distracted. Now with a child like that, it has been hard to just leave him with any one or at drop off programs. He got used to one school last year and I stuck to that school all of last year because he was used to that place and I did want to traumatize him with changes. This year I started him off in a new school beginning of this month and after a minute of crying, he just calmed down and has been enjoying himself. But I had prepped him for it by taking him to that school three times and staying there with him for an hour.

Anyway - back to why I want to make payasam today! I enrolled him in an art class and this class meets every Tuesday for two hours. It is a drop off class and parent participation is not required. I casually asked KB last night if I can just drop him off and come back home with KG and pick him up at 12.00 pm. He too casually said, "Yeah".
"Yeah?" I said.

"Yeah yeah yeah", KB said confidently.

I thought to myself, well, he is just saying it. Am sure when I get there, he will probably start crying. Although a part of me felt that he was sounding quite sure of it. This morning, I drove him to class and filled out the emergency contact information. While I was filling it out, he was already in his spot in the class and he said to me, "Nee po Mamma" (you go mamma). I told him I would leave after filling out the form and wondered if he would cry if he saw me leave. I went and gave him a hug to make sure he knew I was leaving and I told him to be good and that I would see him at 12.00 pm. He said O.K but he continued to focus on the stencil he was working with then. I left the place along with KG.

I kept checking my cell phone to see if the teacher was calling me saying he was crying. I visited a friend for half an hour and came back and hung out by the lake behind the classroom. I could not believe it - KB did not cry at all and was having a good time. This is a class room he has never been to, it looked pretty serious (not so kiddish) - with tables and chairs and kids silently working on their art work without too much noise...the teacher was new and I just left him there and drove out of the place. And he was still fine! For those of you who know KB, I am sure you can feel my joy. Even his going to the new school was not as eventful as this one was to me. My little baby boy who has such a hard time being away from me other than at his preschool managed to stay in a new place on his own and enjoyed himself! KNOCK ON WOOD!
Mniamma, if I don't make payasam this week, you should send me a e-kick! :)

Kutti boy a big boy!

I have had so many little posts in my head but did not sit down to write any of them. I suppose like marriage you first are so excited when you start a blog...you think of what to write, feverishly read those scant comments that are left for your post, you get excited, disappointed, you then reposition yourself and settle more comfortably in that space...make new blog pals and get so comfortable with them that you don't really keep in touch with them...and the excitement of those initial posts is replaced by this feeling of familiarity and liberty. Counting on those few loyal blog pals to read you even if you post infrequently!

Am digressing. I figured I should write a short post at least because recently in my email exchange with Tara, I realized I had not even clearly written about how KB has healed after his cast was removed on Apr.20.09 after nearly seven weeks of his left arm being in one. It was not a pleasant time for me to see him that way but I also found it to be a different kind of experience in parenting. Where you learn to cope with the hardest part of it - that of bearing your child's pain with grace. He was not in pain but to see this child know his own limits as to what he can or cannot do, to know that he cannot go to the park unless he was just going to walk around...it was heart breaking if I paused to think about it. What carried me through was the only thought that it was a finite time and I should be mighty grateful for that - many people have it much much worse. And I pray to God that even if he were to put me (us) through difficult situations, it should be ones I can come out of and move on with life.

So much has happened in the last three months. KB's arm seems to have healed well, thank god. I still feel nervous when I see him run very fast on concrete areas in the park or jump from raised structures - but I try hard to not focus on it. We moved to a single level home with a nice yard and the kids are loving it. Just as I thought to myself, oh what a nice feeling to see the kids playing happily in the yard at the back hours on end, a friend told me a few days back that her house was burgled. That has left me nervous since she lives a couple of miles from my place. And this is supposed to be one of the safest places in the nation. Prayers again.

KG turned two in June and KB turned four in Aug. I can hardly believe it when I see the two kids sitting very close to each other, sometimes with KB leaning on KB while they watch "Free Willy". I need to write a separate post on their developing personalities. Polar opposites many ways. We had a party for them in a reserved picnic shelter at a beautiful park earlier in the month and it was a lot of fun. We had a puppet show for the kids which was a super hit. They all played ball and ran around on the field after the cake cutting. A couple of friends who I really hoped would come could not make it - other than that it was satisfying for me. The best part was that my mother was here with us the last two months and so she was there for the party. The kids just lovvved having Patti around. She taught them old tamil rhymes like "Maangai thalai murugan" which are utterly charming and cute. She left just two days back and I am sorely missing her presence at home. She was so good with the kids that I really feel bad for them.

KB started pre-K in a new school since the beginning of August. He got into another school close to my place after having been in their wait list for a long time. But KB chose to go to this other school instead. So I decided to go with his wishes. I am so glad we chose this current school. The teachers are absolutely wonderful and nurturing. They give the kids so much space to play and run and be kids and yet manage to also teach them things. It was one of the few schools that let me bring KB for three classes before enrolling there just so he can get used to the place with me around. The first day KB cried a little but calmed down soon after I left apparently. When I went to pick him up, he was leaning very comfortably on the bean bag and talking to his teacher and his classmates! So far so good. Praying that the teachers should continue here the whole year and KB should have a positive experience overall.

I leave you with a couple of pictures of gentle KB who is turning into a "Rettai val" (mischievous)as he turned four and that of free spirited KG who we call "Ragalai".

Feel good day!

Some days are just feel good days. Well, I know tomorrow I will probably be crying over some random thing or the other - hope the spirits don't hear me say this - but today has been a feel good day. KB has started swim lessons and this morning he was really enjoying the class. I felt happy about that.

Finally I actually got to meet a blogger face to face! And it was such a nice meeting. Met with Kodi's mom at my place for a few hours. Best part was seeing how well the kids especially KB and Kodi got along. They were both so amused with their own silly number jokes and seemed to really get each other and laugh over nothing! Kodi has such a sweet, down to earth temperament and she was so warm and pleasant - it was really nice seeing them all at our place. Every time she actually called Kodi "kuttimeow", I couldn't believe that I was actually physically seeing him. KB calls him his "new friend" and after got home from the park he said, " I wish Kodi Aunty would move here, so I can play silly number games with my friend every day". Plane papa has the most adorable eyes and soft chubby cheeks. All that was missing between him and Kodi's mom was super glue! He would not let her go out of sight. KB was just that way when he was one year old! I didn't have much time to think about our meeting before it happened - but when ever I did think about it - I was wondering how it would feel to actually meet a blogger in person. And wondered if my blog image will seem so different to them when they see me in person etc etc...But with Kodi's mom, it was so easy to settle into conversation and feel at ease. My mother too got to meet her and in her typical style she said later, "Romba nalla madhiriya irukkale andha ponnu" (she seems like a nice type!). So that was feel good #2.

Feel good #3 - KB has been on the brink of reading books on his own. He keeps asking me for spellings of words and I would just get him started and he would continue on with the sounds and spell it on his own with some help from me for words like "light" but totally on his own for simple words like "car". I don't know why - but I have sort of been waiting for this moment - more than I did even for his first steps. To be there when he reads a little book all on his own. We had decided this morning that after dinner we would go to his play room and he would read a book from the "Bob books" collection on his own. And he did! It was such an exciting feeling for me. And I could see it in the tone of his voice that he too felt so good that he could read it all by himself. I would have felt this good even if he had read a book on his own a year later. But it was that feeling of a huge world opening up for him that made me feel so good. God please keep him safe and healthy! The day KB fell down and fractured his elbow (on Feb.24.09), I had taken him to a home based montessori and KB seemed to like it - so Idecided to give it a shot. And when I talked to my sister that night, I told her that I was feeling so giddy with excitement about KB joining a new school. And that very night, he fell and fractured his elbow and couldn't go to any school, not even the one he was going to then for two weeks. Since then, I can't help but feel this knot in my stomach even when I get excited about anything regarding him.

KB turns four on Aug.3.09 and I am planning to have a party for both KB and KG together. I am planning to surprise him by inviting his teacher from a dance and music class that he took last year. She will organize some games/dance etc at the party. Even while I wrote to this teacher about timings for the party, I was feeling so excited at the thought of KB feeling happy and excited when he sees her. And I go through that same knot in the tummy kind of feeling that am being happy and what if it gets jinxed and KB gets hurts etc. Anyway it was overall a nice day!

Fantasy world!

I had written long time back about how KB and I have this tradition of coming up with story titles, taking turns each night. Either me or his dad have to then come up with some made up story based on that title. The next morning KB usually tells me the story.

In the process we realized how fantastic children's imagination at this stage (he will be four in Aug) can be. The kinds of names KB comes up with for the characters in his stories! These are either animal stories or people stories. Some of the names he comes up with makes me think he has been secretly reading Tolkein or C.S.Lewis. Before I fall asleep on the keyboard I will quickly write down some of the names he gives to characters (it always involves a boy and his little sister or just two brothers) stories. He comes up with these names as we start telling the story. Funnily enough, he also tells me how old they are and the little girl is always two but the boy's age varies between 4 and 8.

I usually start off saying, "Once there was a little boy and his name was" and then KB says, "let me think" and in a couple of seconds comes up with some random name. Only in the last one week I have remembered to actually write them down. I felt really guilty that he has been coming up with these really exotic names for his story characters and I don't remember any of them. So I wrote down some of them. Here are some for your amusement!

The cricket story :
Vrittan - age 7
Gernik - age 2

The little girl who was mischievous:
Vurukerak - age 7
Juveliar - age 2

The little boy who wants to be an orthopedist:
Aver - age 6
Dr.Rake

The little boy who tells time correctly:
Joar - age 5
Ribi - age 2

The little girl gets a time out: (I think this was the title)
Kittrank - age6
Keedle - age 2
Velk - Mom
Zon - Dad
Ms.Dank - teacher

The blue whale and the sea turtle:
Kraker - age 5
Halle - age 2

The frog and the goat:
Daquiri - age 5
Lavel - age 2
Relaver - Uncle

As is this wasn't enough for him every day, he has told my mom that he is going to give her 100,000 names. He doesn't know what that number really means - but every now and then he walks by paati and says "Paati, your name is Zeel". And my mom will say to him "Seal". He then says, "Seal ille paati, Zeel...Z - Zebra'le varume". And then she has to correct herself and say "Zeel".

We went to Seaworld last weekend and bought him a little dolphin and KG a little whale. As soon as we got home he went on to name the dolphin and KG's whale as
"Wuruke" and "Zam" respectively.

I better stop - I am falling asleep on the computer!

Moved and mostly settled in...

We moved houses on Sunday, May.31.09. The kind of stuff that you only want to think back on and not want to go through again in the near future. Painful as it is, somehow I find moves very refreshing once I finish moving and settling in. There is something fundamentally different when you actually live in a different house and it feels as if there is something to look forward to in getting used to the new place, new neighborhood etc. I went through the usual feeling of "I wish I didn't have to move from a place that I am so used to now". I had that fear or discomfort of the unknown...even in something as simple as going for a walk and not knowing who you will see or feeling unfamiliar even with the names of the streets. It is June 20 now and I can't believe it has already been twenty days since we moved in. I feel happy to be here more than I thought I would be.

In a strange way, I went through (as most people probably do during moves) a introspective experience during the process of packing and unpacking. A feeling of suffocation and disgust at the amount of things we accumulate...wanting to just dump everything and live in such a way that I would know exactly what we have in every box and not have anything that I don't use every day. But after we finished moving to the new place and I started unpacking, it was a warm feeling of contentment in putting things in place and turning the bare rooms into a home. Putting up pictures, little paintings by KB, magnets from places we have been to...The opposing feelings that you go through in the process of opening boxes you had not looked at in years...like when I see old letters and wonder why I save them when in fact I only look at them during moves. But it is those few minutes when you discover unexpected things that you go through the nostalgia of days gone by...it feels good. And yet I wish I could throw some of those away because it feels like a life lived in some other birth. Friends who I have lost touch with, friends who I only want to remember fondly but don't want to really get in touch with - because deep down I feel we have drifted in our paths in life...it brings with it a certain sadness as well.

An example. I opened a wedding invitation from an old friend from the time I was working. I was staying in a dorm room at that time and I just bumped into him at the lounge when I went in to check out the piano there. He was an American who happened to play a hindi song on the violin at that time. And that's how we got talking. We became very good friends. Now we have completely lost touch for no real reason. He is now a successful physician, married (he used to talk about his dates with her when they first got to know each other) with two kids, and I am a sahm. We have shared so much as friends and yet I really don't feel like it would mean much to even get back in touch. We have laughed so much and discussed so much about different topics - it brings back such good memories. It's all Maya - B likes to tease me when I worry about some things. In some ways looking at some of these old letters from friends somehow made me think of that - Maya. It all seems so ephemeral and fleeting. However, there is the slow reality to contend with. Duties to be performed no matter how fleeting everything is in the big picture. I look at my aging mother now and I think to myself that this is who raised me and toiled with me when I refused to eat, who trained me to eat, sleep, go to school. Now this is her reality - a life without my father, her pace slowing down and her belongings that can fit into suitcases while she travels around to spend time with each of us. She too lived in a large home with a million things - large Godrej bureau, furniture, bedding, couches, kitchen utensils, jewellery, car, books, "golu" bommais, and million other things that made up her home. The cycle of life. As I build our home, even if it is a rental home, it is still a wonderful feeling to have a place to call home. But I am afraid sometimes to even pause on that thought...what if...we are all so dependent on each other that without the four of us there is no home now. I immediately pray for every one to be healthy and safe. A friend recently lost her brother in a swimming accident and soon after that I read this news. As I hear my friend talk about how she saw her brother physically healthy just a few minutes before he drowned and passed away, I wonder how one ever comes to terms with something like that. My heart feels full in the quietness of the night as I hear the soft music playing in our room where B and the kids are asleep...and yet I realize I am merely going through the motions of life that my mother too went through even if not in exactly the same ways and my children will soon grow up and the cycle of life will continue and one has to be ready for its idiosyncrasies and one never knows what life will throw at you at any point...

That was a long "stream of consciousness" kind of post! If you manage to get to the end of this post, do let me know (or better still write a post about it) about your experiences and feelings while moving.

BTW - KG turned two on June 17, we had a little cake thing for her at home. Plan to have a party for her along with KB's in August. Will post a couple of pics later.